just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
