did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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