This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize