i jhust puked up my retainher.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
