Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
