my being single is dangerous.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
