I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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