so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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