he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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