I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize