i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
