try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
