hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
