I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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