Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
