he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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