so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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