dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
