Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
