Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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