Yo dont text me then not text me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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