Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
