I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
