They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
