The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
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I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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