I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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