Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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