gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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