I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
