I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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