There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
