I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
