I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
In America we eat man semen.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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