now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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