I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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