so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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