had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
