Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
did i walk over a car last night?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
