at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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