My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
