You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's blow job season.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I love you.
Bad choice
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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