Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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