it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
