Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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