I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
