so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
