Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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