I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
