The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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