i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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