i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
