batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
