u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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