I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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