here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize