Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
